Our RADical Two Years

I had heard of the term RAD before, but until we adopted Emma, "reactive attachment disorder", held no personal significance to me.

When we adopted in 2009 we knew Emma had a complicated childhood and while we knew, and anticipated that there would be significant problems, we had no idea as to the extent of her disability.

Emma was diagnosed with "Alphabet Soup" before coming to live with us and continues to face many challenges both at home and school. ADHD was her primary diagnose but the other letters of the alphabet just didn't seem to fit. Reactive Attachment Disorder, or RAD, was barely on my screen of consciousness prior to this summer, but I have come to understand it quite well. Coupled with ADHD there is no magic pill that will cure Emma's behaviors. RAD is a real disorder that can look like many other things (ODD, FASD, ADD/ADHD, Sensory, Autism, Bi-Polar, Depression, Trauma). Making it go away is another matter entirely, there is a chance it never will. A group of ladies have helped me understand and parent Emma. I am looking forward to attachment gains with her in the future.

Symptoms of RAD in Children
Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate
Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent’s terms
Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying
A severe need to control everything and everyone; worsens as the child gets older
Hypervigilant
Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks
Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things
Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues
Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times
Trouble understanding cause and effect
Poor impulse control
Lacks morals, values, and spiritual faith
Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience
Cruelty to animals
Lying for no apparent reason
False allegations of abuse
Destructive to property or self
Stealing
Constant chatter; nonsense questions
Abnormal speech patterns; uninterested in learning communication skills
Developmental / Learning delays
Fascination with fire, blood and gore, weapons, evil; will usually make the bad choice
Problems with food; either hoarding it or refusing to eat
Concerned with details, but ignoring the main issues
Few or no long term friends; tend to be loners
Attitude of entitlement and self-importance
Sneaks things without permission even if he could have had them by asking
Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other
A darkness behind the eyes when raging

RAD arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Such a failure could result from severe early experiences of neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers between the ages of six months and three years, frequent change of caregivers, or a lack of caregiver responsiveness to a child's communicative efforts. Now knowing the definition of RAD Emma's behaviors become clearer. She was born in China and lived in an orphanage until 4.5 years old. She then was adopted and her time with her former family will always be a mystery that I don't think I want to solve. During those 4.5 years her disorder was never properly diagnosed and/or her behaviors never properly corrected. We adopted a 9 year old who was out-of-control in every way.

Now two years later we continue to see Emma make small gains to become an attached little girl. She enters into 4th grade at school this year and looks forward to making new friends. She enjoys reading, making crafts and science experiments. Happy 2nd Gotcha Day Emma Paige!